6 Strategies for Enjoying Christmas with our Special Needs Kids

6 Strategies for Enjoying Christmas Activities with Your Special Needs Child

The Birthday Party That Taught Me Everything

I stayed up after midnight preparing for my daughter’s 8th birthday party. Her birthday often got overlooked because it was so close to Christmas, so this year, I was determined to make it special. I planned everything carefully: her favorite foods, a surprise party with family and friends, her favorite toy, and even her favorite show for us to watch together.

While I set up, her dad took her to the park and through the car wash—two of her favorite activities—to give me time to get everything ready. When I got the text that they were almost home, I couldn’t wait to see her face light up when she walked through the door.

Instead, when we all yelled “Surprise!” she burst into tears. She ran into her room with her hands over her ears, crying and squealing loudly. Everyone looked shocked. My heart sank.

I followed her to her room and found her huddled in the corner, wrapped in a blanket, holding her favorite stuffed animal, and sobbing. I sat down beside her, gently taking her in my arms, and soothed her until her crying quieted. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” I asked softly.

“Too loud. Everyone go home!” she yelled.

I explained that everyone was there because they loved her and wanted to celebrate her birthday. After much coaxing and the promise of opening a present, she reluctantly agreed to join the party if everyone stayed quiet. I returned to the guests, asked them to keep their voices low, and helped her rejoin the group.

Although she eventually enjoyed watching her favorite movie with her grandma and opening her gifts, she seemed fragile for the rest of the day. Her tears and tantrums came easily, and the party felt more tense than joyful. My high expectations had led to disappointment—for both of us.

The holidays are a time of joy, family, and celebration—but for parents of special needs children, they can also be overwhelming and stressful. The expectations, the traditions, and the activities can sometimes lead to meltdowns and disappointment, as I learned firsthand when trying to throw a surprise birthday party for my daughter.

Despite my best efforts, the surprise overwhelmed her sensory system, leaving her upset and me feeling like I had failed. That experience taught me valuable lessons about planning holiday events in a way that works for her needs—and for our family. Let me share my story and six strategies to help you navigate the holiday season while creating positive experiences for everyone involved.

I have felt like this mom so many times! Overwhelmed, disappointed, discouraged…. Christmas time can be such a joyous time of year but with a special needs child, it can also be a time of stress, grieving, anger, fear, exhaustion.

How do we navigate all of this? I’ve put together some strategies to help.

1. Set Realistic Expectations

That experience taught me an important lesson: children, especially those with special needs, don’t suddenly gain new skills or tolerance just because it’s a holiday.

Adjusting Traditions: My daughter didn’t enjoy loud gatherings, and that was okay. I had to let go of the idea of a “perfect” party and focus on what worked for her. If your child struggles with certain holiday traditions, adapt or create new ones. For us, a quiet birthday celebration with a small group of loved ones turned out to be much more enjoyable.

Keeping Kids Engaged: During adult conversations, I started setting up simple activities for my daughter—like her favorite show or sensory-friendly toys. These little adjustments made all the difference.

2. Plan for Success

When my child struggled to sit still or manage overstimulation, I learned the importance of planning ahead.

Burning Off Energy: My daughter’s ADHD made long dinners or events challenging. Before we went to someone’s house, I had her run laps around the yard or jump up and down to burn off energy. I also started bringing a stroller to gatherings where there were breakables, so she had a safe place to sit with snacks and toys.

Preparing for Sensory Needs: I always carried noise-canceling headphones and sunglasses to help with sensory overload. If we were attending a dinner, I packed safe foods she liked. One time, I brought a peanut butter sandwich to a fancy dinner. While it wasn’t what the hosts expected, it saved us from a meltdown.

3. Create a Safe Space

I realized how important it was to create a quiet retreat wherever we went.

Building Comfort Zones: At one family gathering, I set up a blanket fort under the dining table for my daughter. It became her little refuge. Another time, I brought a small tent to a relative’s house, and she loved having a space that was just hers.

Hiring Help: When I had to focus on adult conversations, I sometimes hired a trusted teen to accompany us. These babysitters adored my kids and provided extra support, allowing me to enjoy the event while knowing my daughter was safe and happy.

4. Prepare Family and Friends

Many people in my life didn’t know how to interact with my nonverbal child, so I started sharing helpful tips ahead of time.

Explaining Communication Styles: I once told my family that when my daughter said “I,” she meant “yes.” Teaching them a few basic signs she used—like “more” or “finished”—helped everyone communicate better with her.

Sharing Triggers: I also let them know not to grab her hand or hug her without asking, as it could upset her. Instead, I suggested gentle touches, high fives, or even just a warm smile. Preparing others made a world of difference in how they connected with her.

5. Focus on Positive Behavior

One Christmas, I decided to focus on celebrating my daughter’s good moments. When she shared a toy with her cousin, I immediately praised her and gave her an M&M as a reward. Positive reinforcement became a powerful tool.

Celebrating Wins: Whether it was sitting quietly for a few minutes or saying “thank you,” I made sure to notice and reward those moments. Seeing her beam with pride made the holidays much more enjoyable for both of us.

6. Plan for Continual Reinforcement

Having reinforcements ready for both kids and adults can prevent tension during gatherings.

Snacks and Activities for All: One year, I set up a gaming station for the teens and kept a snack table for my uncle, who often got restless. These small touches reduced stress and helped everyone stay engaged.

Final Thoughts

The holidays can be a challenging time for families with special needs children, but they don’t have to be stressful. By setting realistic expectations, planning for success, and prioritizing your child’s unique needs, you can create a holiday season filled with joy and connection.

If you have strategies that have worked for your family, I’d love to hear them! Together, we can build a resource that helps parents navigate not just Christmas, but any holiday or celebration.

Here’s to a peaceful and happy holiday season for you and your loved ones.